Trees good. Cutting down trees, bad. Hey, watch MIT kind of, sort of, grow timber in a test tube! But it’s not quite practical yet. Just enough that our press release can fool journalists. So please send more money.

Story not good enough? Hmm, OK, with yet more money we can maybe, sort of, someday grow all the lumber pieces of an entire house in perfect shapes that require no cutting. Think of all the energy this would save! And did I mention that our scientific models predict that all of the world’s forests are going to disappear in 100 to 200 years?

What a brilliant formula for turning climate fearmongering and Gaia worship into science budgets! The Babbling Beaver tips his pirate hat to his fake news betters.

Pay no attention to the fact that the earth has been greening as a result of increased atmospheric CO2 levels. Never mind that the idea of scaling test tube trees to the point where this can replace forestry is laughable on the face of it. If people believe experts when they claim men can be women and windmills and solar panels can replace fossil fuels, surely they can believe that test tube trees can “save our forests.”