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MIT Medical declares systematic oppression a public health crisis

In an effort to reduce the soaring rate of despondency, anxiety, gender dysphoria, and other mental illnesses sweeping across American campuses, MIT’s Student Mental Health & Counseling Services wants everyone to know that they “stand with our students, staff, and faculty of color in denouncing racial oppression and brutality and the system of white supremacy that perpetuates it.”

Oh, and Asians too. Except maybe when they hog too many slots as the majority ethnic group in MIT’s undergraduate population. But don’t worry, the DEI Deanocracy is dedicated to achieving numerical ethnic equity despite losing the battle to permanently eliminate the SAT, which unfairly advantages inscrutable applicants with superior math skills.

According to the medical department’s website, top priority remains treating students still suffering from news about the “traumatic events in Washington, D.C., on January 6” who may be experiencing “confusion, disbelief, anxiety, sadness, and shock.” Mental health victims of the deplorable insurrection are advised to call 617-253-2916 to speak to a therapist. Rest assured that MIT Medical’s “pledge to use our collective voice to advocate for equity and justice across the Institute and in our wider communities” will help you feel better in no time.


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