Move over Gross Domestic Product. There’s a new apex macroeconomic metric in town. “Economic Dignity.”

We all laughed when MIT’s Global Diversity Lab crowed about using ‘Diversity Science’ to quantitatively measure dignity. Now Georgetown wants to get into the act, scaling the activist pyramid with a new program designed to “serve as the foundation for actual legislation and administrative action.”

Meet Gene Sperling, director of Georgetown’s shiny new “Economic Dignity Lab.” A man so hungry for White House positions that George Stephanopoulos once told him: “Gene, you and I both know you would crawl down on your belly for free for this job.”

And crawl he did. Straight to Goldman Sachs, which paid him $887,727 in 2008 for “consulting.” Then to his buddy Howard Shapiro—top partner at WilmerHale—who loaned Sperling up to $600,000 at below-market rates while Sperling helped orchestrate the federal foreclosure settlement with banks that WilmerHale represented. ProPublica called it out; ethics watchdogs cried foul. The White House shrugged.

Between government gigs, Sperling nested at the Center for American Progress—the Soros-funded think tank—and played Hollywood consultant on “The West Wing,” where he met his TV-writer wife. They now live the laid-back Santa Monica life, commuting to Georgetown when dignity science requires.

Sperling’s “Economic Dignity” proposes trillions in government job creation, childcare subsidies, and Earned Income Tax Credit expansion. That’s a pile of dignity worthy of Minneapolis-style redistribution!

Mysteriously, Georgetown hasn’t disclosed who’s bankrolling Sperling’s latest foray, though past fondness for Soros-funded think tanks suggests we’ll eventually find out which progressive billionaire is keeping him dignified.

So, welcome to the digital dignity economy: unmeasurable, subjective, and coming soon to legislation near you. Courtesy of coastal crony capitalists happy to lecture about unmerited privilege.