The Chronicle of Hijacked Education is desperate to restore credibility to the overpriced finishing schools and adulting daycare centers for which it enthusiastically pimps. “Hey, y’all, let us explain why Americans will believe anything if you carnival bark it during a football game.”

Indiana University ran ads about Alzheimer’s research between plays at the Peach Bowl. Because nothing screams “elite research institution” better than hawking your science chops like rotisserie chicken between commercials for erectile dysfunction.

The Big Ten extracted millions in ‘free’ ad inventory from their TV contracts and ran a promo that 250 million people supposedly saw. But all anyone remembers from this college football season are the domestic violence arrests, a private equity/athlete payday donnybrook, and a turncoat-coach cash in.

Sports TV advertising will arrest the decline and fall of universities? This is institutional hospice care masquerading as strategy.

Yet even MIT is spinning infomercials.

Meanwhile, UC San Diego admits students who can’t do high school algebra. “Sure, we lowered standards for ‘holistic admissions.’ But tune in to ESPN to hear how smart our students are!”

Progressives conquered our institutions with their long march. They seized the cultural high ground, replaced the gatekeepers, and rewrote the rules. While legacy media controlled the information flow, they dominated the narratives that defined reality.

Then X channeled Toto and pulled back the curtain on the wizard.

Now pathetic pedagogy pitches compete with 22-year-olds tweeting “Six figures debt, no job, MBA from State.” College messaging gets ratio’d by screenshots of adjunct professors on food stamps.

Spoiler: reality wins.

Colleges didn’t lose credibility because their “messaging” was mediocre. They lost it because they sold too many unqualified customers an overpriced product that stopped working. Then acted shocked when employers finally noticed.