With apologies to Luke and King James

1 And it came to pass, as he was praying unto Mother Gaia in the fifty-fourth building, which is called the Temple of Climate Science, one of his disciples came unto him, saying, Master, teach us to pray, as Al Gore also taught his disciples.

2 And he said unto them, When ye pray, say,

Our birthing person who art in heaven,
Gaia be thy name.
Thy carbon come, thy NetZero be done,
on earth as it is in models.
3 Give us this day our protected bike lanes.
4 And forgive us our automobiles,
as we also afflict those who drive them in Cambridge.
And lead us not into consumption,
but deliver us from cow farts.
5 For thine is the income, and the overhead, and the research grants, forever and ever. Amen.

6 And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend who is a politician, and shall go unto him at midnight, saying, Friend, lend me three earmarks;

7 For a nephew of mine is come with a green startup, and no sane investor will give him capital:

8 And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: I cannot rise and give thee anything without six-figure donations.

9 I say unto you, Though he will not rise and giveth, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth after we review the photos from Epstein Island.

10 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; shriek, and ye shall find; protest, and it shall be opened unto you.

11 Verily I say unto you, Green subsidies shall be raised from the dead. Right after the midterms.

12 When the righteous retake the holy land, and district court judgments force frozen coffers to open, then shall bike lanes rain down upon the cities.

13 And automobiles shall be banished from the earth, even as it is written: For it taketh two hours to traverse the Longfellow Bridge at rush hour, and this is an abomination.