The Harvard Crimson was aflame with accusations that Harvard has knuckled under to the Trumpian onslaught by vitiating its Non-Discrimination and Anti-Bullying Hotline that was once so effective running anyone who offended woke snowflakes out of town.

Anonymous complaints are out. The accused have been given the right to know the charges against them, and even to question accusers. Due process has risen from the grave.

“Who ever heard of such a thing?” howled the stunned Crimson editorial staff.

The trouble began when an article in the September print edition of the conservative Harvard Salient included this inflammatory sentence: “Germany belongs to the Germans, France to the French, Britain to the British, America to the Americans.”

“I’m traumatized and may never recover from this onslaught of hate speech,” an offended Social Studies major sobbed as she popped another Xanax. “Hitler once said something very similar! I wanted to file a complaint but under the new rules I’d have to disclose my identity and be subjected to ridicule by deplorables on the wrong side of history.”

For shame! How can Harvard keep fragile woke students safe from problematic ideas and deplorable agents of the colonialist Islamophobic cisheteropatriarchy if students can’t make anonymous denunciations?

The Crimson demanded a revamping of the discrimination reporting and investigation process to make sure it properly addresses power imbalances. “Suppose you wanted to file a complaint against a professor that didn’t give you an A just because you failed some quizzes and never turned in any assignments. The idea of publicly filing a complaint against a professor who controls your academic success is exceptionally daunting.”

In other news, fainting couches were set up on campus to help students survive the publication of Helen Andrews’ Great Feminization, a misogynist manifesto that makes Larry Summers look like a rabid feminist.