Unlike Harvard’s decision to fight to the death to preserve its woke prerogatives, MIT has chosen to return to its roots as the “Merit and Excellence” leader of America’s elite universities. Launching a multipronged PR, advertising, and lobbying campaign to restore its former image as a nonpartisan, patriotic, tech powerhouse shorn of rainbow wokeness, its latest foray has President Sally Kornbluth leading the nation in song.

With apologies to Rogers, Hammerstein, and the original Broadway cast of South Pacific, and special thanks to Lalal.ai for ponying up the actual voice of President Kornbluth for this command performance, the Babbling Beaver brings you …

“I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair”

Click here to listen and sing along.

I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair,
And save my job today.

I’m gonna say goodbye to diversity,
I’m gonna bring back the good old SAT,
I’m gonna stop worshipping LGBT,
And save my job today.

Don’t try to patch it up,
DEI, tear it up.
Gotta stop the funding drought,
Need the dough, without a doubt.
Cancel culture’s go to go!

Yea, sister!

I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that woke right outa my hair,
And save my job today.

If the Orange Man comes for you,
If he stomps upon your schemes,
Waste no time, make a change,
Don’t let woke this life derange.
Drive it off of your campus,
And wipe it out of your dreams.

If he comes for your endowment,
If he cuts your overhead,
Waste no time, weep no more,
Bend your knee, that’s what it’s for.
It’s your last chance, best take it,
Or you might just end up dead.

I went and washed that woke right outa my hair,
I went and washed that woke right outa my hair,
I went and washed that woke right outa my hair,
And saved my job today.

I went and washed that woke right outa my hair,
I went and washed that woke right outa my hair,
I went and washed that woke right outa my hair,
And saved my job today.