DEI is inexorably sliding into the ash heap of history. So keeping the flame of identitarian grievance culture alive has become the prime directive of MIT’s Sloan School. In order to do your part, their organizational experts urge you to “Find Your Phrase in Important Moments.”

What might these moments be? According to said Experts™ “workplace disrespect costs organizations up to $2 trillion annually.”

Wow, getting dissed at works is more economically destructive than global warming!

The cure for this calamity is advocacy. And the method of choice to make sure speech transgressors know their place is to smite them with choice phrases that “sound authentic.”

It all starts with learning how to be professionally offended. To do this you must …

“Consider your identity factors. Think about what aspects of your identity might make you a target for disrespectful, biased behavior (such as your age, gender, nationality, experience level, religious or political beliefs, childhood or educational background).”

After you’ve determined your personal vectors of offense, arm yourself with carefully practiced comebacks and put-downs designed to let offenders know who’s boss.

For example, assertive responses like “that stereotype is harmful, and I won’t ignore it!” let’s them know retribution is coming. Or, if you prefer, try the ever-sniffy “That’s not appropriate in a professional setting.”

Practice your chosen phrases looking in a mirror, making just the right kind of Karen-face. Nothing strikes more fear into the hearts of emasculated cis white males. Except making it clear that next time you’re offended you are going to demand an HR department investigation.

To get more helpful hints on how to keep everyone in your office walking on eggshells, please make sure to renew your subscription to the MIT Sloan Management Review.