Doubling down on her sanctuary city bona fides, Boston Mayor Michelle Wu announced a special education program designed to train MS-13 and other gang members to pass as doctors and scientists, allowing them to qualify for citizenship.

“Now that Chat-GPT has surpassed the intelligence of most college graduates, it makes sense to use it to diversify our workforce by integrating the wonderful undocumented aspirants we’ve invited to our great state,” Mayor Wu explained. “And since protecting gang members from deportation is our most important priority, we’ve decided to focus this program on MS-13, Tren de Aragua, G-Pèp, Hamas, Al Qaida, ISIS, and Boko Haram members.”

Harvard University President Alan Garber jumped at the chance to prove he could turn anyone into a Harvard poser. “Thanks to two decades of DEI and holistic admissions we’ve become experts at getting our graduates to pass as members of the elite even if their heads are filled with sawdust. Teaching gang members how to use Chat-GPT to pass as doctors and scientists should be a walk in the park.”

MIT President Sally Kornbluth did what she does best, which is hide under her desk clutching her tax exemption, praying that MIT doesn’t get hit by any of the incoming Trump administration stink bombs aimed at the Ivy League.