Striving to make its course material more relevant to California college students, the University of California Santa Barbara is now offering a course on Feminist Witch Studies.

In a press release the Beaver foolishly mistook for an April Fool’s joke, Dr. Jane Ward, Professor and Chair of UCSB’s Department of Feminist Studies, explains that “witchcraft serves as a powerful form of feminist and decolonial resistance.”

Her new book, The Witch Studies Reader, published by Duke University Press, is a groundbreaking work of scholarship destined to open up a whole new field of employment for feminists seeking tenured positions at taxpayers’ expense.

Interpreting this move as a challenge worthy of multiple meme dumps mocking the descent of higher education into madness, the Trump administration issued a new Executive Order titled “Malleus Muskeficarium.”

“We cannot suffer a witch to feed at the trough,” President Trump announced, freezing $180 million dollars in federal funding for UCSB while shooting a birdie on the ninth hole at Mar-a-Largo. “I have asked the lame duck Department of Education to launch an investigation into all Witch Studies programs to see if they are casting spells on university trustees that prevent them from laughing these lunatics right off campus.”

The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression (FIRE) immediately filed a lawsuit to protect the First Amendment rights of witches to collect newts and toads from campus ponds.

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