Taking a page from the startup University of Austin, dozens of progressive professors from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Cornell, Brown, UPenn, Columbia, Dartmouth, Stanford, and MIT simultaneously announced their resignations.

“Enough is enough!” declared the group’s spokesperson from the undisclosed sanctuary city where he’s been hiding out from ICE agents ever since his green card was revoked. “It’s time to show deplorable Americans that we don’t need their tax dollars to turn their children into unemployable revolutionaries.”

Thanks to a $400M grant from Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and George Soros, the new École de Global Activism & Democratic Socialism (EGADS) will be ready to matriculate its first class of undergraduate students in the fall of 2027. This will give them a full semester to get their fledgling cadres ready to take street action in the 2028 Presidential election.

Like Hillsdale and Grove City College, EGADS will not accept a penny of Federal money. This will leave its admissions office free to holistically assemble a student body comprised entirely of worthy BIPOC and LGBTQ students without having to abide by fascist revisions to Title VI and Title IX that outlaw discrimination.

The curriculum will be centered on teaching the intractable evils of Western Civilization, Christianity, capitalism, whiteness, technological progress, economic growth, the patriarchy, motherhood, and the nuclear family.

Presidents and the remaining faculty of the Ivy+ universities breathed a sigh of relief, offering their former colleagues a hearty bon voyage. Noli ostium percute in asino.