What is the best way to render Experts™ more credible in an era of increased scrutiny, collapsing public trust, budgetary belt tightening, and outright hostility over the politicization of science?

Social Policy Affirmation Modeling!

From creating horror stories of runaway climate change, justifying pandemic lockdowns, advocating censorship, and touting green subsidies, to proving that diversity improves innovation, debunking election fraud reports, rationalizing water diversion to save “endangered” species, and validating mutilation of disturbed children, nothing beats the power of computer models designed to deliver the answer you’re looking for.

That’s why the world’s leading STEM university is launching a new Department of Social Policy Affirmation Modeling (SPAM), the latest brainchild of MIT’s Human Insight Collaborative.

The Right Reverend R.G.L. Goldberg, inaugural Dean of SPAM, explains.

“Closed loop computer models used to successfully catch spaceships with giant chopsticks are subject to physical testing and verification. This makes them useless for justifying social policy. SPAM will focus on crafting narratives around open loop computer models that make forecasts that can never be tested based on theories that can never be falsified.”

Macroeconomists the world over are reported to be green with envy.

Story suggested by MIT News