In a historic catastrophe worse than the invasion of the Sea Peoples that triggered the Bronze Age collapse, the war on higher education has unleashed a tsunami of college administrators forced to live among the homeless.

Mocked by passing plumbers and electricians driving BMWs, these unfortunate souls have been reduced to begging on street corners. Fist fights have been reported over coveted panhandling spots as former assistant deans, cashiered NGO CEOs, and fired federal employees jostle for handouts.

“We must immediately launch a WPA-style works program to save our loyal voters!” shrieked Senator Elizabeth Warren, taking a time out from demanding that Elon Musk be boiled in oil.

With the value of a college diploma collapsing faster than the price of taxi medallions and with no marketable skills, prospects for an entire managerial class that was once riding high look dim. Alas, all the barista jobs have already been taken by gender studies majors.

“Our hearts go out to our former colleagues,” explained the spokesperson for the Society of College Presidents. “But if the only alternative to letting these people go is to tap our bloated endowments, you can see that we had no choice.”

Of course, opportunity remains for anyone ready to enlist in the Ukrainian National Guard.