Few American institutions of higher learning offer a more welcoming sanctuary for enlightened activists seeking social justice than Columbia University. One can only be inspired by the students who assembled their own Museum of Terror, curating artifacts celebrating the Palestinian cause as well as their own campus protests, inviting motivational speakers to inspire fellow students to take action.

Not only did this exhibit laud the noble Hamas freedom fighters seeking to liberate Palestine, but it provided detailed instructions on steps that can be taken to make New York City Zionist-free.

“A Zionist-free NYC is the only way that we can ensure that our universities don’t have the power to kick us out and silence us and to continue to fund Israeli genocide on our watch,” explained ringleader Nerdeen Kiswani to the applause of a throng of keffiyeh draped students hanging on her every word.

And to Columbia’s credit, standing firm against false charges of antisemitism, it’s not just students that have rallied to the intifada. Professor Joseph Massad, praised for calling Hamas’ Oct. 7th attack “awesome,” will be teaching a course on the evils of Zionism this spring, ensuring a steady flow of impressionable young acolytes.

In other news, Columbia University receives approximately one-and-a-half billion dollars a year in federal funding.