In an unintentional act of self-debasement, MIT’s department of Earth, Atmospheric & Planetary Sciences (EAPS) installed a new work of public art to adorn the courtyard of their recently completed building.

Move over, Bernini.

Titled “Everything Was Forever Until It Was No More” the holy rock will serve as the Kaaba of the climate alarmist movement.

Unveiling of the new sculpture was met with chants of “The end is near!” and “Repent, repent!” by wailing students rending their garments and gnashing their teeth. Tenured climate scientists rushed to get their last round of NSF grant applications submitted before climate denying Nazis take over the government. Grad students who once looked forward to a life of leisure as taxpayer-supported experts filled out job applications with ExxonMobil, cursing their bad luck for having been born too late to ride the climate emergency gravy train.

To commemorate the winter solstice, a crowd of climate pilgrims clad in sackcloth and ashes circled the rock performing acts of self-flagellation. Shivering in the freezing rain, they prayed to Mother Gaia to be spared from certain extinction when the mean global temperature soars by two degrees fifty years from now.

In a you-can’t-make-this-up bit of karmic irony, “Everything Was Forever Until It Was No More” was the title of a book published twenty years ago about the collapse of Soviet socialism.