The staff of social scientists, researchers, and students at MIT’s Election+Data Science Lab are “committed to improving democracy in the United States by promoting the application of scientific principles to the understanding of election administration.” Over the past decade, they have “charted the steady improvement of virtually every state in how elections are administered.” These Experts™ have uniformly asserted that election fraud is very ,very rare.

Then Elon bought Twitter.

“The jig is up,” lamented Charles Stewart III Ph.D., founding director of the lab.

“When the dominant narrative was firmly under the control of establishment media sources, we could claim with a straight face that all was well. Since X broke the media monopoly, it’s impossible to hide how laughably easy it is to harvest mail-in ballots from dead people, demented nursing home patients, and illegal immigrants.”

And now there are countless other irregularities being reported on X by outraged citizens that would usually be ignored by corrupt election authorities. “If we start debunking the obvious hoaxes we’ll inevitably have to acknowledge many genuine acts of voter fraud.”

Garbage deplorables believe that drastic measures may be needed to restore voters’ faith in our election systems. Reforms like same-day in person voting only, national voter ID laws, paper ballots, and ink finger dips to make sure no one votes twice, exposing ineligible voters who can then be referred for prosecution.

“Who needs fancy-pants election science if you have same-day paper ballot voting with finger dips?” moaned Stewart. “I may have to get a real job.”