In keeping with the cancellation of Columbus Day and its replacement with Indigenous People’s Day on MIT’s official holiday calendar, October 31st has been recontextualized as World Cities Day.

“Cultural appropriation of English/Scotch/Irish quasi-religious traditions can no longer be countenanced, especially now that plummeting enrollment has made white students a recognized minority at MIT,” explained Dr. Tawana al Hussein, Assistant Dean of Grievance Surveillance and Optimization.

In its place, the MIT community will henceforth celebrate World Cities Day, first enacted by the United Nations ten years ago. Dedicated to sustainable development, this year’s theme is Youth Leading Climate and Local Action, a fitting focus for MIT’s increasingly climate traumatized students.

Problematic costume parties, trick-or-treating, and conspicuous candy consumption will be banned. The Division of Student Life will instead host a recycling poetry slam followed by a festive seminar on Composting Practices where students will learn how to reuse their own bodily waste.

Vice Chancellor and Dean for Life Suzy Nelson applauded the change, relieved that the Institute Discrimination and Harassment Response office hotline will no longer be ringing off the hook with complaints about offensive costumes.