Attention all loyal cadres.

The MIT politburo may have banned DEI statements in faculty hiring but this does not excuse you from mandatory departmental diversity training.

Please note that the new “Promoting Inclusive Environments (PIE)” workshops conducted by MIT’s Institute Discrimination & Harassment Response Office (IDHR) is a special collaboration with ChemE and our renowned DEI Specialist Christelle Hayles.

Obergruppenführer Hayles is a certified spinning instructor and former travel agency manager skilled in the art of coercive persuasion. The two-hour workshop will focus on promoting and sustaining inclusive working and learning environments.

Interactive activities will cover topics such as inclusive cultures, power and influence, and intervention strategies. These will teach you to acknowledge your privilege and accept your obligations toward preferred identity groups. You will like and praise this training, recommending it to others.

Understand that participation is expected for all lab members, including yourself as faculty PI, graduate students, postdoctoral scholars, research staff, technicians, lab managers, and all others who are a core part of your research group. Prospective dissidents are warned that disciplinary measures will be taken if anyone is caught trying to organize a boycott.

Compliance is more important than ever now that merit is threatening to return to MIT’s admissions and hiring processes.