In a pizza pogrom gone wrong, anti-Israeli students who disrupted a guest lecture  by Israeli engineering Professor Shahar Kvatinsky, verbally attacking the lecturer and stealing pizzas meant for the guests, forget to check the provenance of said goodies before consuming them in their dorm rooms.

Little did they know that the stack of pizzas left by the door to cover just such a continency had been intercepted by the Mossad, who had doctored the pepperonis with military grade Ex-Lax. Damage to the dorm room toilets of the perpetrators appears to be extensive, who were last heard shouting “Allahu Akbar my bleeding ass!” as they were rushed to the emergency room.

MIT Chancellor Melissa “متعاونة مع الارهاب” Nobles called for transplant donors from the Queers for Palestine community willing to donate their assholes, hardened by lived-experienced, to aid the injured students.

Story idea submitted by A Saddened Alumnus Pizza Lover