Once upon a time the Beaver pulled a febrile fantasy out of his furry keister and claimed that MIT was launching a new School of Astrology, Alchemy, and Witchcraft.

What to his wondering eyes should appear in this morning’s MIT News but an item lauding MIT’s resident professor of astrology!

“The forms of astrology that evolved in the U.S. over the course of the 20th century turned away from chance, which insurance seeks to cover, and instead offered a theory of causation rooted in external natural phenomena,” explains Professor Caley Horan. “I think modern astrology has offered people, and continues to offer people, an interpretive framework for understanding identity, self, and relationships to others, at a time when matters of work and identity have been up for grabs.”

Among her eclectic pursuits, Professor Horan teaches a course in Sexual and Gender Identities that “examines the efforts of those who worked to resist, reject, and reform institutionalized heterosexuality and mainstream configurations of gendered power.” Astrology’s appeal is particularly pronounced among marginalized communities, including the LGBTQ+ population, where it serves as a tool for self-affirmation and community building.

The world’s leading STEM university sure has come a long way thanks to the massive growth of its School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism. Stay tuned for the fulfillment of the next two phases of “When fake news comes true” after MIT hires an alchemist and witch.