When Google got buried in widespread derision instigated by right-wing extremists who revealed the extent to which the Woke Mind Virus had infected its flagship Gemini AI, it appealed to respected misinformation experts at MIT for help. They immediately issued a digital indulgence absolving Google of all sins committed against objective reality, condemning Elon Musk for spreading hatred.

“The community will be irreparably harmed if heretics and apostates are permitted to post ludicrous examples of what happens when AI and DEI are fused together to Build a Better World ™,” explained Professor David Rand.

A Google spokeshumanoid gratefully responded. “Thanks! Hold my Bud Light, I’m sure we can fix this.”

“What matters most is not promulgating factual truths, adhering to logical consistency, or appealing to reason,” wokesplained MIT’s new Vice President of Equity and Inclusion. “Leading philosophers at MIT assure us that facts are social constructs, logical consistency must give way to lived experience, and reason is an oppressive tool of the cisheteropatriarchy.”

Google’s AI designers were relieved that they could continue conditioning the public to accept new ways of knowing without fear of being laughed at by people whose brains haven’t been eaten yet by mandatory DEI training. “We will proudly carry on promoting diverse, equitable, and inclusive anti-racist narratives as well as inspiring generative art depicting the past, present, and future as it rightfully ought to be.”

In other news, top Google executives joined scientists from MIT’s Gov/Lab and the Initiative on the Digital Economy at the White House to meet with Artificial Intelligence Czar Kamala Harris. Their mission is to save Democracy from Fake News.

Conspiracy theorists speculate that they are developing an internet filtering mechanism that will automatically delete any interstate communications that poke fun at government gaslighting programs or the pronouncements of government certified experts. The Beaver assures readers that …