As NetZero fever sweeps the Western world, driving Germany down the economic death spiral of de-industrialization, experts at MIT Sloan School are cooking up ways to buy votes from Americans workers whose jobs must be destroyed to propitiate Mother Gaia.

“The 2022 U.S. Inflation Reduction Act targets aid to Americans whose jobs are at risk when fossil fuel-based industries are phased out, but a new study shows that the act may not do enough for the most vulnerable.”

“According to research co-authored by Christopher Knittel, a professor of applied economics at MIT Sloan, because of the way the act is structured, it misses nearly half of America’s most carbon-intensive communities while encompassing areas that aren’t particularly vulnerable to the shift away from fossil fuels.”

“What politicians need is scientific justification to bribe voters into keeping them in office even as their livelihoods and communities are being destroyed by ineffective and counter-productive policies,” explained the Build-a-Better-World Professor. “Hence, we recommend that billions more be dished out, guided by our nifty new ‘employment carbon footprint’ metric. By the way, did I mention that I’m available for consulting gigs?”

Science Deniers were aghast, but who cares about them anyway. They must be silenced along with the Climate Deniers. And don’t forget the far-right wing Modern Monetary Theory deniers, who foolishly believe that prosperity comes from making things and not printing money.

In other news the Chicoms are laughing all the way to the bank, selling us all the solar panels we need to hang ourselves.