Is it the snazzy headscarves? The stubble beards, pickup trucks, and AK-47s? The unabashed masculinity that boldly celebrates rape, murder, and kidnapping as noble tools for bringing the holy land back under the domination of violent religious fanatics best known for subjugating women?
Scholars from MIT’s School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism (SHASS) are striving to explain the groundswell of support for Hamas terrorists among the droves of coeds who turned out for MIT’s campus solidarity encampment.
“Today’s feminists are subconsciously pining for real men,” explained Professor Sally Hunsacker, spiritual leader of MIT’s Consortium for Graduate Studies in Gender, Culture, Women, and Sexuality (GCWS). “We’re turned off by the current generation of emasculated American boys. They’re too easy to dominate, ashamed of their toxic masculinity, and embarrassingly eager to grovel for forgiveness over their male privilege. Why do you think so many of us are lesbians? We need a real challenge, and you can’t do any better than the heroes of October 7th.”
Peace loving river-to-the-sea advocate Abdullah Mohammed Aqrabawi agreed. “Once you’re wrapped in a sack, you’ll never go back,” he smiles, casting his ravenous gaze over the tasty young lasses spread out on the grass in front of Kresge Auditorium, reminders of the swell time he had at the Re’im Music Festival.
MIT President Spineless Sally Kornbluth weighed in from the underground bunker where she celebrated Passover with MIT’s last remaining Jews. “As you can see, our admissions office has done a great job assembling a diverse team of students ready to build a better world,” she explained as she conferred with the high-priced lawyers she brought in to deal with the flood of Congressional subpoenas trying to find out what turned the world’s leading STEM university into an antisemitic cesspit.