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Acolytes of Moloch seek representation in MIT’s interfaith chaplaincy

MIT interfaith chaplaincy

As part of a national STEM educational initiative, the American Medical Association of Gender Affirming Pediatric Surgeons (AMAGAPS) has embarked on a campaign to rehabilitate the image of the ancient god Moloch.

Best known for sanctifying children at the behest of pious parents, centuries of misinformation perpetrated by right-wing extremists shamefully promoted a culture of systemic molochphobia. Such bigoted intolerance is at odds with MIT’s commitment to diversity, equity, inclusion, belonging, achievement, composition, social justice, sustainability, and all-gender restrooms. To atone for past wrongs, MIT’s interfaith chaplain has been directed to begin a search for an ordained Acolyte of Moloch to join her staff.

“Retrieving pagan wisdom is a critical component of making peace with nature’s spirit world,” explained Dr. Hostia Puer, Professor of Baal Studies at MIT’s Department of Anthropology. Seers, portents and oracles indicate that anthropogenic climate change has awakened dark powers within mother earth, powers that demand mollification. A recent study conducted at MIT’s School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism strongly suggests (p<.05) that burnt offerings of offending body parts collected from post-op gender dysphorics could be the best way to keep the oceans from boiling, ending all life as we know it.

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