Plans for a major new Campus Inclusive Restroom Study were unveiled as the grand finale of the 52 page annual report issued by the rapidly growing MIT Institute Discrimination & Harassment Response Office. “The study will engage many stakeholders across the Institute, including diversity, equity, and inclusion staff, the Disability Employee Resource Group and Student Disability Services, the Office of Religious, Spiritual and Ethical Life (ORSEL), and the All-Gender Restrooms Working Group.”
Hundreds of highly paid experts are expected to participate in these weighty deliberations, a key building block of MIT’s new Belong, Achievement, and Composition strategic plan. Of most interest to heteronormative extirpation advocates is the ORSEL interfaith synod that will determine whether leaving the toilet seat up is a venial or mortal sin.
“A community that relieves themselves together believes themselves together,” intoned Dr. Accipiens Balneo, the recently promoted assistant dean of just and sustainable lavatory practices. “MIT wants you to know that when it comes to number one and number two, whether you do it standing up or sitting down, we have your backside. And your frontside. For all 72 officially recognized genders.