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MIT climate action advocates guiltlessly recruit slaveholders to their cause

Enjoying the magic of intersectional indulgences, the MIT Climate Nucleus and Environmental Solutions Initiative have joined forces to expand the policy influence of indigenous tribes notorious for being violent slaveholders.

Both the Lummi Tribe and Yakama Nation, whose representatives spoke at a recent MIT climate justice symposium, were warlike Pacific Northwest tribes whose lifestyles were built on a slave economy. Living in harmony with nature was made easier by forcing slaves to process massive amounts of dried fish, allowing tribal patriarchs to spend more time improving their social status through conspicuous potlatch competitions.

Today, social entrepreneurs descended from these slaveholders are monetizing their status as purveyors of indigenous knowledge, the hottest scholarly commodity on college campuses. Any subject from ecology to astronomy to medicine can improve its all-important DEI ranking by adding a dash of indigenization. Thanks to conveniently applied double standards, this can be done without the taint of inherited sin that is an obligatory part of decolonizing the teachings of dead white men, who ultimately forced indigenous slaveholders to surrender the practice.

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