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Senator Elizabeth Warren visits MIT to help stamp out capitalist exploitation

U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Cherokee Nation) held an exclusive pow-wow at MIT with lame duck president L. Rafael Reif and his top economic advisors, offering her assistance with a massive curriculum overhaul intended to expunge all traces of MIT’s wicked capitalist roots.

“MIT’s founding presidents perpetrated grave injustices against my indigenous ancestors,” huffed Senator Warren as she handed President Reif a check for his share of the booty from the CHIPS and Science Act recently passed by congress. The celebrity millionaire shook her fists with poll-tested passion. “While MIT’s decision to return campus land to the Wampanoag Nation is a good start, further steps must be taken to achieve Chancellor Melissa Noble’s vision of a decolonized, anti-racist institution guided by indigenous science that replaces the profit motive with a culture of compulsory servitude.”

Students lined up to get Senator Warren’s autograph hoping to embed the blessed parchment in reliquaries whose intersectional aura would help improve their grades under the new two-spirit inclusive grading regime.

Photoshop credit: Jawad Baig.

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