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Elon Musk makes bid to buy MIT and save free speech on campus

In a surprise follow-up to his purchase of Twitter, the world’s richest free speech advocate has turned his attention to saving the world’s leading STEM institution from the ravages of cancel culture, woke speech codes, witch doctory, gender bending perversity, femtoaggresion policing, and mandated self-censorship.

“We’ve irrevocably lost our liberal arts universities to the long march through the institutions,” lamented Musk. “But if we don’t save STEM we will run out of scientist and engineers capable of helping me colonize Mars, decarbonize transportation, perfect solar power, solve grid-scale energy storage, relieve urban congestion, blanket the earth with satellite internet, build robots to relieve mankind of drudgery, and help quadriplegics walk again.”

Musk was immediately condemned by the Washington Post, the New York Times, CNN, and Elizabeth Warren for being a selfish brute.

The beleaguered MIT Corporation is considering a poison pill defense that would trigger a merger with Harvard, destroying MIT forever.

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