Shattering the quantum limit of detection, a team of MIT physicists have discovered the world’s first recorded femtoaggression. The team used a repurposed Dark Matter Time Projection Chamber with enhanced WIMP sensitivity in the sub-basement of NW21 to nab the elusive but hurtful act.
“Let us be crystal clear,” warned MIT’s new Associate Dean of Hurt Feelings, who lame-duck President Reif hired the moment he heard the news. “Femtoaggressions are violence and have no place on the MIT campus.” Fortunately, the Dean’s team of expert consultants flown in from Oberlin are confident that most MIT undergraduates can acquire sensitivity to femtoaggressions without having to rely on multimillion-dollar detectors as long as a large enough mandatory training program is put in place.
If you feel that you have been subjected to or witnessed or heard about a femtoaggression on campus, please anonymously report it a billion times to the Institute Microaggression Thoughtcrime Response (IMTR) hotline.
Story submitted by Harry Potter.