The Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan offered congratulations and promises of support to the University of Oregon pro-Palestinian protesters that burned an American flag in front of the campus Hillel House on October 7 to celebrate the murder, rape, and kidnapping of Zionist settler colonialists.
“Glory to the martyrs of the Al-Aqsa Flood!” the college-educated social justice warriors chanted as legacy media outlets averted their eyes.
“I’m just so proud,” the Grand Dragon said, dabbing his eyes beneath his hood. “Masks. Fire. Flyers calling the local Jew an ‘enemy of the people.’ We’ve been doing this since 1865, but never with this much footnoting.”
He saved his highest praise for the organizers, the Eugene Revolutionary Women’s Committee and the Eugene Revolutionary Study Group. “‘Study Group.’ Genius. We called ours a ‘Klavern,’ which sounds like a place that sells cheese. Nothing frightens a Jew like a reading list.”
Credit also went to President Karl Scholz, who called the flyers “reprehensible” and then launched no investigation. None. “‘We can be better,’ he said, and then wasn’t,” the Grand Dragon marveled. “Klaverns across the South would trade their robes for an administration this supportive.”
Scholz suggested a more constructive path, inviting the protesters in for tea. “People have the right to speak freely,” he reportedly said. “Hillel could put out some nice rugelach.”
The president of the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression (FIRE) agreed. “These students were just exercising their free-speech rights,” he said. “Hillel’s best response is to invite them to a Dialogue Across Differences session.”
He added, “FIRE passes no judgment on speech content. Loudly defending the far left at every opportunity immunizes us from having CNN call us partisan. Plus, having no moral compass is very good for fundraising.”