When Professor Elias Cepeda from Northeastern Illinois University was arrested packing a loaded pistol and a bag of spare ammo clips at an anti-ICE protest in Chicago, the American Association of University Professors (AAUP) leapt into action.
“This fascist injustice cannot stand!” bellowed AAUP President Todd Wolfman. “If they can do this to one of our esteemed Antifa professors just because he exercised his right to mostly peaceful protest with a deadly weapon, they can do this to all of AAUP’s many Antifa professors.”
“Northeastern Illinois University is designated as a Hispanic-serving institution promoting diversity and community engagement,” explained President Wolfman. “What could be more engaging than rioting to prevent the enforcement of immigration laws?”
Professor Cepeda described his approach to teaching social justice in an X post that read “We’d all be morally justified in taking your Nazi heads off with weed whackers.”
Greg Lukianoff, President of FIRE, reminds us that this speech is protected by the First Amendment. “We will defend the right of any Antifa professor to spew violent rhetoric right up until the moment that they shoot us in the head. Then, we will lodge a complaint.”
In other news, Rutgers Professor of History Mark Bray, author of the acclaimed Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook has been so traumatized by Antifaphobia that he fled the country. He will be sorely missed by the many students who nicknamed him “Dr. Antifa.” Fortunately, it won’t be hard for them to find another professor at Rutgers to teach them anti-fascism.
As part of its new Antifa professor interest group, the AAUP set up a bail bond fund to support members that end up in jail when they leave campus to practice what they preach.