“What to do, what to do, what to do?” cried Spineless Sally Kornbluth as frightened minions gathered round her fainting couch. “We let the Wokies run rampant, bringing the wrath of the federal government down upon us. The Mean Orange Man not only cut off hundreds of millions in free taxpayer dollars, but he slashed the overhead payments we use to fund our bloated administration. He’s even threatening to make us pay taxes!”
“I know, I know!” yapped faithful lapdog Chairman Gorenberg. “We surely can’t embark on a dewokification and fiscal responsibility campaign to address the issues that caused this. It will offend the radical SHASS faculty, DEI apparatchiks, and useful idiot protesters that created the problem. Instead, let’s conjure up a grassroots alumni organization and use it to lobby Congress to keep our pockets full of spending loot.”
“What a swell idea!” said Green Eyeshades Shor. “What shall we call it?”
“MIT Alumni for Science!”
“All we have to do is put up a web page that spins the proper illusion. No need to identify who is behind this “independent” organization or how it is funded. Then we have it invite us to spread our narrative, promote our lobbying toolkit, and pitch tales of doom if we don’t get our way. All without jeopardizing our 501(c)(3) status.”
“Brilliant! And no one will ever know it’s us as long as we add a volunteer sign-up form that will gather a list of genuine “independent” alumni names we can parade as founders.”
“But how do we keep people from finding out this is all our creation?”
“Better make sure the Beaver never gets wind of this. Have the Iron Chancellor turn up the heat on suspected faculty moles that might spill the beans.”