In a brilliant maneuver sure to thwart Trump’s efforts to dethrone the Kremlin-on-the-Charles as the premier training ground for woke elites, Harvard has decided to legally identify as a Historically Black College and University (HBCU).
Under Title III of the Higher Education Act of 1965 along with supplementary White House initiatives, this will entitle Harvard to Part B grants to support its administrative bloat, FUTURE Act funding for STEM and other academic programs, and competitive grants from the NSF, NIH, and DoD.
How’s that for 4-D chess, mister bad orange man!
Students celebrated their new protected status by burning effigies of white South African farmers as faculty members donned their keffiyehs and ululated to the hip-hop strains of Lupe Fiasco’s greatest hits.
“This is a great day for America’s most celebrated university,” exclaimed Distinguished Professor Emerita of Feminist Studies and History of Consciousness at the University of California, former communist accessory to murder Angela Davis. “The last vestiges of white privilege must be stamped out by any means necessary as we dismantle the systemic racism that is the foundation of capitalist exploitation.”
Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren offered their hearty congratulations to Harvard’s crack legal team for coming up with this foolproof strategy. “We double dare Donald Trump to make war on HBCUs, the mainstay of our Party’s indefatigable efforts to keep our most dependent voters on the plantation.”