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MIT diversity bureaucrats offer training on how to fill out DEI loyalty oaths

Pursuing an academic career under the new woke order requires hewing to an ideological orthodoxy that brooks no dissent. Weeding out heretics via mandatory DEI loyalty oaths is an important part of keeping the professoriate free of heretics.

MIT is here to help! Regardless of your irrelevant personal beliefs, the MIT EECS Communications Lab can help you complete your mandatory diversity statement using all the right jargon and examples. This will assure that your application for a post-doc or faculty position doesn’t get instantly rejected before your scientific accomplishments are even looked at. Here are some example slogans that have proven successful when used by other supplicants:

“I will strive for gender parity among my graduate students.”

“I will attend orientation and recruitment events and encourage students from underrepresented backgrounds to join my group.”

See how easy that is? Whether or not you ever get your mind right, it is important to get your mouth right. If you plan to spend your career in academia there is no better time than now to learn how to live under a regime that forces you to hide your true thoughts while you empower an army of bureaucrats that you despise.

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