Source: MIT Institute Community & Equity Office

The sacred mission of every modern university is to eliminate from its culture every last trace of racism, sexism, binary genderism, ableism, colonialism, trans & homophobia, toxic masculinity, white supremacy, and an ever-expanding array of sins delineated by social thought leaders. And then, to inspire graduates to go forth and do the same for all of society. Or so one must conclude after examining the myriad offices, agencies, policies, people, and programs dedicated to achieving these noble ends.

As new programs are added and staffed with highly trained experts from Oberlin, it is important to gather them all under a community umbrella of belonging while evading any questions about what the total DEI budget and headcount adds up to. While MIT’s 14,000 staff members outnumber its students and faculty combined, MIT’s generous donors must understand that every one of these career bureaucrats are absolutely essential to advancing the sacred mission.

And so this Thanksgiving please join us (after apologizing to oppressed native Americans for the crime of your existence) in giving thanks to the tireless administrators who are inexorably remaking MIT.