It’s a breakthrough that trans activists are hailing as the ultimate solution to being born in the wrong body. Rather than chopping off offending body parts, pumping patients full of hormones, and grafting on fake genitals, just find a matched pair of gender dysphorics eager to swap heads.

“Allowing patients to physically manifest their innermost gender identities is the sacred duty of all true physicians,” atoned Dr. Philo T. Hackenbush MD, PhD, MBA, MSW. “The program is still in its early phases, but we have every confidence that the day will come when full-body gender fluidity is just a laser scalpel away.”

Long lines of dysphoric clinical trial volunteers formed in front of the MIT Medical Department as soon as the news was announced. Lame duck president L. Rafael Reif issued a statement drafted by his DEI handlers explaining why questioning this advance in gender-affirming healthcare proves you are an irredeemable transphobe subject to summary cancellation. President Biden issued an executive order instructing the Medicare disability fund to cover all the costs.

Photoshop credit: Jawad Baig