MIT faculty, staff and students didn’t stand together today on the steps of the Stratton Student Center to acknowledge the 612 black victims that were murdered in Chicago over the past 12 months, most of whom were killed by fellow African Americans.

“You can’t address what you don’t acknowledge,” said John Dozier, MIT’s Institute community and equity officer. “And we don’t acknowledge endemic cultural pathologies that reflect badly on preferred identities, or systemic dysfunction in cities run by progressives. Instead, we orchestrate spontaneous vigils whenever a lone white madman commits an act of violence that gives me performance opportunities. Because my lucrative career depends on exploiting, I mean combatting, unconscious patriarchal, colonialist, transphobic, heteronormative, racial oppression at MIT.”

Lame duck president L. Rafael Reif also felt an urgent need to chime in, never missing an opportunity to showcase his compassionate angst. “It is important to publicly display our grief and pain over incidents that amplify preferred narratives. Black-on-black crime doesn’t count as it’s hard to blame on white privilege. Please let me know when something else hits the news that can justify my mandate to hire more DEI deans.”

Story submitted by Publius.