Today, standing in front of the Ukrainian flag, lame-duck MIT President L. Rafael Reif announced that MIT has decided to fully commit itself to helping Ukraine win its battle against Russia, an important virtue pivot after accepting $300 million in donations from Russian oligarchs.

“The Ukrainian Foreign Minister contacted us and asked us for a way to vanquish their enemies by making them more divided, more fragile, preoccupied with perceived slights, suspicious of each other, and highly distracted from their main mission. On hearing that, I immediately decided to send MIT’s entire staff of highly dedicated DEI professionals to Russia, where they will use their skills to inculcate a culture of mindless virtue signaling, intersectional identity conflict, empowerment of incompetents, and morale destroying self-loathing. In addition, the drain of their salaries will take away from spending on other critical Russian priorities, just as it has done here at MIT.”

Whether it’s cancelling invited speakers, intimidating preferred pronoun violators, proposing restrictive speech codes, or policing micro and femtoaggressions, MIT can be counted on to reflexively support the Current Thing.

Story submitted by Little Caesar.