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Diversity is now a Science. With labs and everything!

In a never-ending quest to root out heteronormative white male oppression, colonialist appropriation, and the injustices, inequities, and indignities perpetrated thereby, behold the Global Diversity Lab (GDL), brought to you by MIT’s rapidly ballooning School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Sciences.

Resting on the indisputable scientific axiom that to be virtuous and successful every human endeavor, institution, or corporation must be staffed such that the ratio of its BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and aberrant-gendered members equals the ratio of these groups in society, the MIT Global Diversity Lab will conduct unbiased rigorous research designed to promulgate its founding axiom.

GDL’s first project studies the implications of dignity. Thanks to the invention of portable Dignorometers that can record the degree of dignity or indignity experienced by subjects in the field, GDL teams can now fly around the world compiling dignity measurements. These data will be fed into Numerical Diversity Outcome Models (NDOM) to assure the scientific development of social policies. Trust us, we wear white lab coats!

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