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MIT Presidential Search Committee announces no cis white males need apply

Taking its cue from President Joe Biden’s search for a new Supreme Court justice, the newly formed Corporation Committee on the Presidency tasked with finding a successor for retiring MIT President L. Rafael Reif streamlined the search process by announcing that only candidates with two or more protected intersectional identities will be considered.

“Eliminating heterosexual white male candidates will level the STEM playing field, advancing the goal of stamping out MIT’s implicit White Supremacy Culture,” crowed the Empress for Life of the MIT Corporation governance and nominating committee. To achieve maximum diversity, equity, and inclusion and approach the high standards of peer institutions like Oberlin, MIT’s new president need not know a thing about science or engineering. “The rapidly expanding School of Humanities, Arts, and Social Sciences will lead the way,” explained MIT’s recently named Chancellor, a history and political science major from Brown and Yale whose expertise is building databases of racial murders in the South during the Hoover, Roosevelt, and Truman administrations.

1 Comment

  1. Tom Hafer

    And then there are the additional negative intersectionalities:
    1. has an actual job
    2. knows pi to 18 places
    3. reads The Babbling Beaver


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