MIT lame-duck President L. Rafael Reif, still smarting from getting his fingers caught in the Epstein and Skoltech cookie jars, announced a new GAC program designed to ensure that donations to MIT only come from ideologically vetted sources guaranteed not to trigger Twitter mob embarrassment.
“Reputation management has become a complex task given the rapidity with which the shifting Overton Window can consign previously acceptable individuals, corporations, countries, practices, and articles of common sense to public relations purgatory,” explained MIT’s purple-haired, nose-ringed, gender nonconforming public relations administrator.
“We cannot allow MIT’s sacred values to be tainted by money from climate deniers, DEI objectors, mask skeptics, preferred pronoun violators, fill-in-the-blank-o-phobes, Joe Rogan fans, Ukraine invaders, or national security risks who refuse to accept that Oceana has always been at war with Eastasia,” declaimed the chair of MIT’s new Halt Unwoke Activities Committee (HUAC).