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Burgeoning Panism movement hacks DEI divisiveness

Invoking the trump card of transcendent fluidity, MIT engineers began dissolving the Gordian noose of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion using the universal solvent of Panism.

“Statistical underrepresentation disappears as soon as enough people check every identity box,” explained sophomore Robert Heather Wakanda Chapa “Sneetch” McRodriguez, founding president of MIT’s Student Panism Association. “No one can divide us into oppressed and oppressor classes if we practice solidarity and all claim to identify with everybody.” He/she/they were last seen in Building 10 handing out BIPOCLGBTQIA+ declaration pledge cards.

The Beaver reached out for comment to the Dean of Identity Certification and the Dean of Sanctioned Segregation, but both were busy planning the next cis-white-male auto-da-fé.

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